He patted my ass and said “we’re going to have a great summer!”
It was March. We were at the end of our 3rd date. We’d gone to sushi and my friend next door was eager for my leftovers.
i was debating whether I wanted to hook up with him that night or move on. He wasn’t very smart. Which isn’t a problem for me if we laugh and have fun. But we weren’t doing either.
This was early on in my NYC days. I was young. Sex in the City was the hottest show on television. I wasn’t exactly eager to find a boyfriend.
I was immediately annoyed that he assumed he could have me without asking if I was into it. Or wooing me further.
I was trying to decide if wanted to spend another HOUR with him. Let alone all the way to SUMMER!?? C’MON.
This has always bugged the FUCK out of me. This ASSUMPTION by men about what WE want.
Dating someone you REALLY care about is WONDERFUL. I get it! Spending your life with your best friend you like to fuck is AMAZING. I get that too.
But what I don’t understand is agreeing to get serious with someone just to prove something to friends, family and society??
Our society treats *finding* someone as an *accomplishment* - it’s a blessing for sure! But finishing medical school is an accomplishment. Finding someone to marry? Is just a gamble. You might win. You might lose. 50/50 odds.
I know this is going to hurt for a lot of guys but here it goes:
You’re not all that. Your company is fun, you’re often smart, and engaging conversationalists. I love talking business, and inventions and AI, science fiction, movies, and technology and laughing and drinking beer, doing sports, and you’re fun to touch! There are so MANY wonderful things about you!
But PLEASE don’t assume every chick is DYING to get a stupid ring on her finger. Ugh. That whole “women are desperate to marry” trope (yes, again Patriarchy narrative. You’re getting the hang of it now. Free domestic labor! Clever, clever shits).
It’s 21st century. Why would we fight so hard for something that was developed as a way to pass us around as PROPERTY???
I love hanging out with my nephews and nieces. I love reading. Oh how I love working. I LOVE LOVE seeing my friends. I love traveling. I love writing. I love Netflix. I like creating art even though I’m not that awesome at it. I love SLEEPING. I love going for walks. I love being an activist.
There are SO many things I enjoy doing THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH A ROMANTIC PARTNER.
TV and movies are so clearly written by young men. They make EVERYTHING about sex. And you know I think sex is fantastic! But am I going to coordinate my entire life AROUND IT?? Hahahaaaa that’s so cute.
Why would I want to smell the same farts for 50 years? I don’t know. MAYBE one day, when my olfactory senses dull, I’ll CONSIDER IT.
EVEN DISABLED, I’m like…..mmmmm…..
How's this: I won’t rule it out.
So back to the date:
I was already not that into him. But when he assumed I’d fall to my knees, so grateful to be his girlfriend because he was attractive and had money!?!?!? That was it for me.
The question was: how do I get him out of the house? I made out with him for awhile. Of course. Might as well have some fun first.
Then I ushered him out, he looked so cute and confused that the evening was ending early. Oh yes, 3rd date expectation. Yeah right, like I follow SCHEDULES for that. Ha.
I so felt bad - I was still young! - that I gave him the leftover sushi which Aimee has never forgiven me for. Who cares about the guy.
WHERE IS MY SUSHI?
I think that sums up the early NYC days pretty well.
I ran into him a few months later when my friends were moving into a new apartment. He had his shirt off while he moved one of those gross AC units. He ran over to me with a big smile, still super cute. For a second, I doubted my decision.
But then he opened his mouth and spoke. Oh. Yes. I remember now. Dull. Entitled. TERRIBLE combo.
It’s going to be hard for dudes. When they start realizing our world does not center around them and their dick. That they are going to have to actually *try* to win our attention and time. And be woke. And defer to US.
Welcome to the new world dudes.
Welcome to OUR world.
You’re going to have to work for it now. You’re welcome, ladies.