Transforming from an independent, able-bodied working gal into a dependent, unemployed disabled person has been the most traumatic experience of my life. Worse than chemo. Worse than surgery. Worse than anything.
At least during those experiences, I knew they'd be over in a finite amount of time. They would end, and I'd either live or die.
This. This has been the biggest mind-fuck of all. I kept thinking over and over again that I would get back to my old self, or close to it. So many times, I used the analogy of trying to swim back to shore. For years, I kept swimming toward a shore that seemed to get further away instead of closer.
It was only this summer that I realized that I wasn't getting any closer to that shore of my previous life because I would never, ever get there.
Instead, I was marooned on an island for the Disabled. It's been the most humbling and eye-opening experience of my life.
When I felt like I couldn't go on this past summer, it was because I couldn't go on WITH THAT SAME OUTLOOK/PERSPECTIVE/PERSONALITY of the able-bodied person I was. I had to let her go. And embrace the outlook/perspective/personality of my newly Disabled Self. That's the only way to get through this.
I felt like I had to honor the woman I used to be before I let her go. So I wrote 30 stories from my able-bodied life leading up to 2013. Here are links to each post
I so weird 5a
I got melanoma 29a
Thanks for reading this far! I'll be sharing more stories in the near future. Right now I'm doing everything I can to prevent the government from repealing the Affordable Care Act so I can stay covered and alive!
Stay tuned for the next batch of stories....