Traveling is so hard now 4.11.19

Traveling is so hard now 4.11.19

I never knew hunger before. Compared to what so many people around the world experience, I probably still don’t truly know hunger.

Most of the people in the worlds I’ve walked through don’t know hunger either.

All I know now is that hunger is something I live with on a daily basis. I wish I could explain what it’s like to be surrounded by so many people with SO much, while so much of my life gets stripped away.

While I sit in hunger while so many eat around me. While my belly rumbles and my mind gets fuzzy.

How do people do it? Live with hunger when it’s not even for a medical reason?

But simply because others are greedy?

The days of indulgence are ending. I’ve tried to warn my food friends that fancy food is out. I hope they can pivot fast enough to keep up with the zeitgeist.

I had a good doctor appointment yesterday but damn it’s still exhausting. I keep trying to figure out ways to get nutrients

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Food scares me 4.8.19

Food scares me 4.8.19

There was a guy eating French fries and drinking a milkshake near my friend and I while we got tea at Whole Foods yesterday. He did it so casually. There was another woman eating her salad while staring at her phone. I can’t help but stare.

I’m still thinking about their casual eating long after they probably have.

What is it like to not be able to eat hardly anything? I’m sure people wonder. I haven’t shared much about it mostly because it’s incredibly painful.

For anyone new to my life, I used to be a cooking teacher and nutrition educator. I spent years developing recipes, menus, and curriculum for adults and kids.

I used to spend all day thinking about food, buying it, preparing it, teaching it, and eating it.

Now? I spend all day thinking about the few foods I can eat and which ones I can get away with it.

The saddest part about all this is that I actually love healthy food.

I grew up in a mostly meat and potatoes household like most Americans in the 70s and 80s. My dad has always been a health-nut so we moved over to chicken and fish earlier than most. His parents - my grandparents - were into juicing. My Bubby, his mom and the woman we all got the Lynch Syndrome from (thanks Bubby!) made her own yogurt.

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