I like feeling really strong 4.28.19

I like feeling really strong 4.28.19

I wear an extra small now.

I loathe even writing that.

It’s weird to have something that so many people want so badly - or think they want - and to hate it.

I opened this Athleta catalogue - I’m not sure how I even started receiving it since I never shop there - but I like looking through the workout clothes. I’ve got to let go of the past and give away - no THROW AWAY, they are sooooo old - my old workout clothes. The pants literally slide off my hips now! What the fuck!? I’ve had hips since I was 16 and no amount of healthy eating or workouts has changed that.

Until now.

Now that “society” is finally embracing super strong looking women like the ones in this photo - and women of color woot! - I’m turning into this frail little lady. ARRRRGGGGHHHH! It’s like seeing gluten-free waffle cones at a vegan ice cream place - all the foods I love and can eat are EVERYWHERE and I can NOT EAT THEM.

My timing sucks.

As I’ve mentioned in here before, I’ve never aspired to be waif-y thin. I’m trying to remember when my ideas around that started forming. I feel really lucky I didn’t obsess about my body shape much when I was young.

I was WAY more concerned with

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I don't miss old me 4.25.19

I don't miss old me 4.25.19

I’ve eaten 5 eggs this week. Oh joy! Of course, I’ve been downing the high protein almond milk and broth and whatever else I can get down, but DANG sometimes I can’t believe how much I end up doing with so little food. The body is a truly remarkable organism.

I’m tired now but if I want to eat eggs, I’ll have to do some Movement tonight. The choice between food and rest is always a tough one. I usually choose food!

This photo is from my old life in New York City. I had a photographer friend take “professional” photos which I planned on using for my own business. Maybe I did use this photo.

I dreamed of launching my own business for my entire life. Even as a kid, there was no allure for me to do the “keeping house” bit since I was already doing that as a small kid. No thank you to cleaning and taking care of kids all day, I remember thinking around 8 years old. Thankfully, there was just enough culture changes happening around me to know that I didn’t necessarily have to DO the typical path.

In 2008, I decided to leave my sweet job running a culinary program and work for myself. I knew so many freelancers in New York City, I knew it was possible to go that route.

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