I'm wigging out 6.13.19

I'm wigging out 6.13.19

I couldn’t remember if I’d given myself an IV bag last night. It was completely blank. I knew I must have because I could feel it in my body.

But I couldn’t recall doing it that day. Do you know what helped me remember?

I remembered writing in here that I was in bed giving myself a bag. Then I started to remember other details.

I think I’m starting to get super scared about my colonoscopy next week.

You’d think it would get easier as I get further away from the original diagnosis.

But it doesn’t. The fear grows. What if it’s my turn next? I can’t help think.

My friend that had Stage 4 cancer last summer got bad news about her blood work. I wish they could track my blood work for ovarian cancer. But I never had increased CA-125 levels in the first place.

My dad is…I don’t know. He had a “good day” yesterday. He had to go to the hospital for his infusion and it took hours and hours. But mom was so glad he wasn’t having his nose bleeds (they have him on such high doses of blood thinners that he gets them now - they’ve got to control the clot problem since they can’t operate on him due to the breathing issues). And he wasn’t coughing as much either.

I said: this is what happens when you’re medically fragile, mom.

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