I'm doing dangerous things (not on purpose) 5.27.19

I'm doing dangerous things (not on purpose) 5.27.19

I’m under a little stress over here.

Just a teeny weeny bit.

I don’t know how to describe it so I’ll share a story instead.

After coming home from the hospital and a brief respite with M where we tried to find me a restaurant that would give me JUST broth. The first place, they were total dicks about it. I try to be very patient and make it clear that I’m not asking because I’m on some trendy diet. I very carefully say: I actually lost organs to cancer so I can’t risk getting food stuck in there and need just plain broth.

No go. The (young male) server then added insult to injury and said: my friend had cancer and can still eat regular food.

I’m sure you can imagine how I felt after hearing THAT. I said a little bit testier: I’m sorry to hear about your friend but situation is completely different. I had 3 at once and lost several organs.

You’ll think I’m making this up but Megan will confirm his response: why are you comparing yourself to my friend? You shouldn’t do that.

Read More

I lost my green fleece 5.17.19

I lost my green fleece 5.17.19

I have almost no short term memory.

I don’t talk about this much. But it’s a huge factor in my day-to-day experience.

A lot of why moving out of this space sounds daunting is because I’ve finally figured out a system to compensate for the memory loss, which is probably due to massive amounts of chemo.

Most ovarian cancer patients get 6 weeks of carboplatin and taxol.

I had 18 doses of taxol.

One gyn oncologist in Seattle he thought that was an unnecessary protocol.

We’ll get to that another day.

For now, I deal with the loss. Every day. I have to put everything back in it’s “home” or I can’t find it again.

Fast forward to packing yesterday. I’m supposed to leave soon but I’m so dedicated to writing in here, I’m making sure I get it done before I head out! Thank goodness it’s not raining. Have I told you how bad my vision is? It’s always been bad, and especially so in the rain.

I see better with contacts than glasses but because both sides are going now (I’ve been -6.25 which means someone with excellent vision can see something at 600 feet that I can see at 20 - and yes, that’s pretty bad), I rely on glasses.

Read More