I got IV nutrients 3.7.19

I’m at Natural Medicine in Seattle getting nutrients via my IV. I haven’t been able to eat much these past few weeks so it’s especially important that I find ways to get nutrients without dealing with my gut.

I’m at Natural Medicine in Seattle getting nutrients via my IV. I haven’t been able to eat much these past few weeks so it’s especially important that I find ways to get nutrients without dealing with my gut.

My body hurts. I didn’t want to write here. Then I started thinking about how these are the days that people don’t hear about. The days where I crawl into bed after an appointment - I got some tryptophan in my IV bag which makes me sleepy - put on some music and doze off.

So much of my life resembles an elderly person. I don’t know how to convey that to the doctors, that I’m so tired of not being able to eat enough food, so tired of not being believed that things are worsening.

I can tell what’s going on with my body. I can feel how things are going. I’ve been paying close attention to it since I was a young woman and had the inflammatory bowel disease.

I know when it’s not good. I remember in August 2013, I thought to myself: do I have cancer? Why am I so tired? What’s going on with my energy levels and my skin?

I even went to a gyn appointment that summer to complain of painful periods.

Blew me off.

It was just a few months later, they found the cancerous colon polyps. That winter, they found the masses in my ovaries.

I really, truly believed I could go back to being a regular person. I think so much of my struggle all this time has been because I kept fighting to get back to a world that I can no longer ever enter.

I knocked and banged on the doors. I begged. I pleaded. I threatened. I sobbed.

But I never get to go back.

There are many days where my entire body hurts. Like today. It kind of feels like the beginning of the flu - when you’re not sure if you’re getting sick or not - I feel that A LOT of the time. I’m never quite sure what to say when people complain about having the flu to me. I’m always sympathetic, of course, because being sick SUCKS and I do feel bad. But I can’t help but think “at least you know it will end.” I’ve had the flu a few times since I got back to Seattle. I rarely tell anyone. One friend was surprised about that and asked why.

I told her, “why would I mention something that lasts maybe 10 days? When, as of now, I have to spend YEARS dealing with pain and other issues?” Ten days feels like a blink to me. Often, I don’t even realize I’m sick for a couple of days - because I already feel so shitty so much of the time.

The most I’ll take is Tylenol during the day.

I need every bit of cognitive focus to make sure I’m making the necessary appointments and remembering which labs need to go where, and whether or not I took all my supplements and pills, and to decide how much IV fluids I should give myself, and whether or not I can get away with eggs, and….and…and…..

It’s a surprise to a lot of people that I don’t take anything stronger. Pain meds slow down the gut! That’s the last thing I need.

I’m going to rest now before I interview someone for my podcast. As soon as that’s over, I’m definitely passing out. It’s not looking like I will end up eating any eggs today. That would require getting on the treadmill later and doing my stretches. I just don’t have the energy for that. Let’s hope the IV nutrients are soaking into my body and making up for the lost eggs.

Need to shut my eyes now.

So tired.

Much love,

Jules