5 year anniversary 3.14.19

I’m getting an IV bag with vitamins and minerals because I’ve been able to eat less and less eggs / food lately and it’s very concerning!

I’m getting an IV bag with vitamins and minerals because I’ve been able to eat less and less eggs / food lately and it’s very concerning!

Five years ago, today, I was getting my belly sliced open. I know that’s hard for people to hear. But it’s important that I share the truth of how I feel about what happened to me.

I was sliced opened and gutted.

I wish I had a dollar for every doctor that said “at least you’re alive.” Then, of course, I’veI read accounts where doctors get cancer and are sobbing in the hospital saying “I didn’t know…I didn’t understand how it bad it is on this side.”

There are a few books by Dr. Mitchell Gaynor I really like - The Gene Therapy Plan is an excellent one for anyone that has a genetic cancer gene like myself. He is a super open-minded MD that worked in prestigious hospitals but also offered his patients really interesting therapies like singing Tibetan bowl therapy and healing crystals. For real!

One of his books - I want to say it was one about music therapy - opened with a story about how one of his attending docs in medical school was a cold jerk. Then he got cancer. He was literally sobbing like a kid in the hospital bed, according to the author. It affected Gaynor as a young medical student and he ended up being an MD who did all kinds of alternative medicine treatments.

How sad, isn’t it? That so many humans require going through something tragic or traumatic in order to feel empathy for others going through something similar. I find this so odd, because I feel like I feel EVERYTHING even when I don’t want to.

Oh, by the way Dr. Gaynor mysteriously died around the same time a bunch of other alternative doctors died. It’s a very weird story. I was super bummed - both because I was sad that medicine lost such a great doctor and also for myself, because I was going to try and see him in New York City.

I can’t write a long post today. Megan is on her way to pick me up and help me escape this g damn basement that I get so tired of. I wonder if my world will shrink to like a boy in the bubble situation. I don’t think so. But I can see it being something I have to more careful about than I have in the past.

I’ve been too casual with my energy and my time and all of it.

It’s all precious. Maybe I have to perceive myself as precious? Maybe that’s been the goal all along. Healing from cancer - in the body work world - really does require radical self love and self acceptance.

Dang I’m a stubborn bitch, aren’t I? What does it take to change? To grow?

This always fascinates me. Why do humans resist change so much? Even when it’s SO painful?

To be answered another day. Gotta go see bestie who is the best ever and also brought me my Orgain Protein drink that I can only find at one Whole Foods near her house. I used to go to a practitioner near there but now she moved.

On the hunt for drinks and powders and liquids I can digest!

Much love,